Three things i’ve learnt recently
Well, here we are again. It has been an interesting few months for me. Dealing with loss, surgery, and the delightful hormonal rollercoaster of entering perimenopause has been both excruciating and enlightening at the same time. Admittedly, its been a few months of digging my heels in and fighting against all that was happening - in a very un-yogic like way, I might add - but finally, I relented. After all, this supposed “no fucks given” era might actually be really good for me!
So here I am, back writing in my happy place with the last of the days sun rays peaking through the oak trees in my mum’s old garden opposite, and the sound of the swifts dancing above. I love this time of year. And for the first time in a long while I’m loving waking up each morning.
I don’t wish to waffle on about my own “stuff” - this is our first post back together after all! - but I do want to share with you the key things that these past few months have taught me because they just might be of some use to you, too.
The Power of Therapy
I may be slightly biased here as I am studying to become a talk therapist, but the power of having another human being witness you, and reveal to you what your own blind spots cannot, really shouldn’t be underestimated. Contrary to what is often depicted about therapy, it isn’t actually all comforting sighs and gentle nods of acknowledgement. Therapy can be both challenging and confronting in equal measures and can, as I’ve often found recently, leave you wondering why you’re paying for the privilege of being tortured each week for an hour at a time. To be fair, I have personally experienced both approaches in therapists I’ve had over the years and I have to admit, I prefer those who stir up the discomfort within me. Why? Because like most other humans, given half the chance I would avoid it completely and we can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge.
I’m probably not selling it to you very well at this point however, I really do believe that the most effective therapists are the ones who can lead you into the realms of discomfort whilst holding the space for you to figure stuff out. At this stage I must also point out that having the ability to intellectualise ourselves, understand our triggers and attachment patterns, or know whether we’re reacting from the child, parent, or adult self etc, is not doing the work. This is something that I have painfully had to admit to myself recently, and is the reason why I chose a therapist who would call me out when I try to do that. Having knowledge is one thing, but it’s what we do with that knowledge that really counts.
The Power of Yoga
Yoga and I have been having an affair since around the year 2000 and, as with any significant relationship, there have been times where my love for it has waned, where things have felt a bit stagnant, and also when I’ve wanted to pack up and go. Yet unlike the relationship you want to leave because you know the other person is really bad for you, this one is quite the complete opposite. Despite all of my own personal fluctuations over the past 24 years, yoga has remained loyal, reliable, and dependable; the fundamental elements of any secure relationship. At times, that has been hard to comprehend. Surely there must be something wrong with it? Whilst we could easily find ourselves down a rabbit hole of exploring all the things that we as a society have made wrong with yoga, inherently it is an exceptional and powerful practice that offers the most simplistic methods of leading us back home to the truth of who we are. One that has withstood the test of time.
This is where I have tripped myself up on many occasions. The fact that yoga is such a simple practice can’t be indicative of its efficacy, right? Wrong. The fact that it is such a simple practice is what makes it so effective. The moment I stopped looking for something else to fixate my quest for answers and found my way back onto my mat was the moment I felt like I had come home. Yoga enables us to create the space in the body/mind for the answers we seek to reveal themselves. This is why it’s such a powerfully therapeutic practice.
The Power of Words
Six years ago a former friend and mentor told me that she didn’t think I was meant to be a yoga teacher anymore. This was at a time when I was in the stagnant phase of my relationship with it and questioning whether it was what I should be continuing to focus my efforts on. Had I been the type of person who was very secure and grounded within themselves, I would’ve taken those words with a pinch of salt. But I wasn’t, I was a deeply insecure and people pleasing person, constantly looking for affirmation everywhere outside of myself. As a result, those words festered and took root, eventually causing me to yo-yo between teaching and giving up teaching, and generally becoming so inconsistent even I didn’t know what to expect from myself from one day to the next. The power of those words disrupted my life for six whole years.
Recently, I worked through this situation in therapy because I knew how much I loved yoga, and teaching it, yet I needed to understand why I just couldn’t move myself forwards. Now that I’ve learnt how to recognise that child like part of me when she makes herself known through insecurity and doubt, I’m able to give her what she really needs. Recognising that the only words that matter are mine, along with learning to trust my own judgments and decisions, has been an incredibly healing experience.
These three things are all inextricably interwoven with one another. The power of words that one person can speak over you can be either motivating and uplifting or completely debilitating. However, doing the work in a talk therapy setting helps to uncover the narrative that allowed those words to have such a stronghold and keep us stuck. Yoga provides the space to move everything through the body/mind, to find a sense of ease in the nervous system, and to anchor us back home to ourselves. Its therapeutic effects are undeniable, hence the reason why I keep coming back to it time, and time again. And, just for the record, I have no intention of giving up teaching any time in the foreseeable future.
I hope you were able to take something from this.